they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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