i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
