Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This baby is an asshole
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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