I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
