woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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