I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
