Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
