okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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