who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
