sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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