He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
