Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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