haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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