I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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