summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Never joke about your clitoris.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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