so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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