On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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