Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
