I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
