i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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