I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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