we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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