If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
