Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
