Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
