My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
