My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
