My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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