Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk is not a location!
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