I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
