You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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