im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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