My hand turned me down
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
