his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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