I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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