he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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