uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
