Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So vagazzling was a success
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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