Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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