You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
