you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
