I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
