Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
