I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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