Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
