i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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