i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish my penis had a tongue
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
