It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
