There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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