what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
