OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
