I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
