I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
